Making male friends ⏲️ 6 Minute English

Hello. This is 6 minute English from BBC Learning English.

I'm Neil and I'm Beth.

There's a famous English saying 'a friend in need is a friend indeed'.

And it's true - everyone needs friends to share life's ups and downs.

Do you have many friends, Neil?

Yes, I have some close friends,

but maybe not as many as I'd like.

That's interesting because often it's women who have many friends

while men find it harder to maintain strong friendships,

especially as they get older.

In fact, according to one recent survey

only twenty seven percent of British men say they have

at least six close friends.

So, is it true that men find it difficult to make friends?

We'll be hearing from Max Dickens, author of a book

on male friendship called Billy No- Mates and as usual, we'll be learning

some useful new vocabulary as well.

But first, I have a question for you.

We know that close friends are important not just for having fun,

but for good mental health as well.

So, according to research by Oxford University's Institute

of cognitive anthropology,

how many close friends do we need for our mental wellbeing?

Is it a) five b) ten or c) twenty?

I'll say we need at least five close friends.

OK, Neil, I'll reveal the answer at the end of the programme.

Now, however many friends you have,

It's a stereotype that women are better than men

at making and keeping close friends.

Here's Claudia Hammond outlining the problem for BBC Radio four programme

'All in the mind'.

Now, when times are tough, friends are often the people who get us through,

who are there to listen, to reassure, maybe to advise us,

if that's what we want.

So, why do we sometimes find it hard to make friends or that the friends

we used to have seemed to have somehow drifted away.

Now, there is an idea that women are much better at maintaining their friendships

and that men are more likely to hang out with whoever is around rather

than to nurture those relationships

and we were wondering whether this was really true or is that

just a stereotype?

Claudia uses the phrase,

'times are tough' to describe a situation of trouble, unhappiness

or financial difficulty.

Friends help us get through these difficult periods of life.

The phrasal verb, 'get through' has several meanings,

but here it means managed to live through an unpleasant period of time.

The problem may be that your friends have drifted away -

gradually moved further and further away until your connection

with them has broken and it seems that's especially true for men.

That's right. When author Max Dickens was getting married,

he realised he didn't have any close male friends

he could ask to be his best man -

the person who helps the groom at a wedding.

This led him to write the book, Billy No-Mates,

looking at why he didn't have any close male friends.

Here's Claudia Hammond again,

talking with Max for BBC Radio four programme,'All in the mind'.

Max, it's interesting that you kind of went public on this

if you like. You know, your book is even called 'Billy

No-Mates', the very thing, you know, that a lot of us would dread being.

It can't have been easy to decide to say this publicly in a way.

No, it's a real double-edged sword being the face

of a book called 'Billy No-mates', I've got to say.

But I think, so, loneliness doesn't look like me.

I'm in my early to mid-thirties.

I'm pretty outgoing.

I'm quick to buy my round.

It shouldn't look like me

but, increasingly, it does. So, loneliness, isn't just the elderly anymore,

it's younger people.

Max called his book, 'Billy No-Mates' - slang for a person with no friends.

It's a memorable book title,

but Max says being the public face of a book called

'Billy No-Mates' is a double edged sword.

Something with unfavourable as well as favourable consequences.

In fact, Max doesn't look like someone with no friends.

He's young, generous and outgoing -

an adjective describing someone who's friendly and enjoys meeting people.

But, increasingly loneliness is affecting younger men,

thanks partly to social media, which can make it seem

as though everyone is having a great time with their mates except you.

Max thinks the answer is getting out and meeting people in third spaces.

Places like sports clubs or reading groups which are separate from either

home or work.

All of which helps get closer

to the magical number of friends needed for good mental health.

I think it's time you revealed the answer to your question, Beth.

Yes, I asked how many close friends.

We need for our mental wellbeing.

You said it was five, which was the correct answer.

According to Oxford University's Professor Robin Dunbar,

we need a core, circle of five close friends,

plus a wider support network of about ten,

making a total number of fifteen friends for good mental health.

OK, let's recap the vocabulary

from the programme, starting with the phrase.

'Times are tough', which describes periods of trouble or difficulty in life

If you get through something, you managed to live through

a difficult situation.

To 'drift away' means to gradually move further apart from someone until your

relationship with them eventually ends.

'Billy No-Mates' is slang for someone who has no friends.

A 'double-edged sword' describes something

with unfavourable as well as favourable consequences.

And finally, the adjective 'outgoing' describes someone who is very friendly

and enjoys talking to people

Once again, our six minutes are up.

Good bye for now. Bye.