How to Make Everyone Want to Talk to You | Communication skills in English

32,189 views ・ 2018-11-08

Accent's Way English with Hadar


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

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Hey, it's Hadar.
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And this is The Accent's Way, speaking to you from YouTube Space, Berlin.
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How fun is that?
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I wanted to give you a few tips today on how to be a great conversation partner.
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It's very important to be a great speaker, especially when you speak a
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foreign language, but it's also extremely important to be a great conversation
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partner, to be a good listener.
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Sometimes we're so preoccupied with what we're going to say, what words we need to use,
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being afraid of getting stuck that we forget to be a good conversation partner.
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We forget to listen.
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We forget to communicate, to really communicate.
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So, I want to give you a few tips to remind you what makes a great
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conversation partner, and what you can do every day with people you speak to.
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And of course, it could be in your native tongue and in English.
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To be a better listener, to be a better partner.
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First, make it about them.
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It takes the edge off of you so you don't have to always speak.
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And also, people like to talk about themselves.
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People like when others are interested in what they have to say in their lives.
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Ask them questions, ask them real questions.
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Try to be the one leading the conversation by getting the other person to speak.
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Really be interested in what they have to say.
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Make it about them, not about you.
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Number 2.
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Look them in the eyes.
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Don't look away, don't look at your freaking phone, don't look at your watch.
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Look them in the eyes.
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If you feel embarrassed, if you feel it's too much, look at their mouth,
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but make sure that they see that you are looking at them and not elsewhere.
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Even though you're listening, they don't know that you're listening.
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If you're looking away, okay?
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It doesn't feel safe, and people don't want to keep on talking
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if no one's listening to them.
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It makes them feel funny and weird, and it turns you into a bad conversation partner.
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Of course, you can look away every now and then, but always go back to their face.
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I guarantee that you'll enjoy the conversation more because
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you won't think of other things.
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It will force you to actually listen to them.
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And hopefully, they'll say something interesting.
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My next tip is: the strong connection is in the details.
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If it's someone that is not new to you that you've spoken with before,
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a friend, a colleague, client.
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Remember things from your previous conversation.
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Even take a mental note of the simple things: his daughter's name, her
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experience in the last flight over here.
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Remember small details and bring them up in the next conversation.
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When you remember the small details and you bring it up in the next conversation,
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ask a question about it, it will really touch them, it will move them.
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They'll feel that you actually listened, that you remembered something about them.
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It is so meaningful to people to feel what they said mattered.
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Even if it's a simple thing.
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Especially, if it's a simple thing.
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We all remember big things, big events, but the small things, the small
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things really make all the difference.
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So, remember the small things and remember to bring it up in the next conversation.
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Don't bitch about other people's behaviors.
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"Oh, look at him, how he eats.
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Oh my God.
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He's taking all the food from the buffet".
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"Oh my God, look at her.
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What is up with her hair?"
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I mean, you don't know who this person you're speaking with.
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Maybe they're doing the same thing, and maybe that's going to make
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them feel super uncomfortable.
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It happened to me once.
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I was speaking to this woman and she started talking about all these women
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that do this, this and that, and I was like, "Hmm, that's what I do".
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And it made me feel uncomfortable, and it made me feel like I
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don't want to be her friend.
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And you know what?
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We ended up not being friends.
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So, let me tell you this, even if you feel strongly about
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something, keep it to yourself if you don't know the person well.
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You don't know where they're coming from, you don't know how they're going to feel.
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And when you judge other people, they will feel that you will
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judge them easily as well.
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So be careful with how might you bitch about other people.
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Although it may be a funny conversation topic.
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You know, you can find other funny conversation topics to talk about.
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And anyway, speaking badly about other people is not a good habit anyway.
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Respect and appreciate silence.
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Don't fill in every single moment of silence.
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Don't feel like you have to speak really quickly.
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When someone says something, don't jump in and speak immediately after they're done.
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Let it sink, give it a moment, take a breath.
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When you jump in and say what you have to say without taking any pause after
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what the other person just said, it looks like you are just not listening to them.
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Like you were waiting for the moment you could just jump in and speak, like
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it's all about what you have to say.
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To show that you're actually listening to other people, you
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have to give a time, take a breath, and then say what you have to say.
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Even though you know exactly what you need to say and you've been
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waiting to say it for a while.
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So, respect silence and understand it's a meaningful and essential
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part of the conversation, in-between sentences, and just silence, as is.
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Just like that.
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Okay.
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That's it.
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I hope you liked it.
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It was a bit of a different video, but these are things that
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I've been thinking about lately.
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And I think that in order to be a good speaker, you definitely have
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to be a good listener, a great listener, a fantastic listener, right?
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That's more important than anything else.
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And then you are able to hear things, to notice things, and to
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really connect and communicate.
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And it doesn't matter how well you speak English.
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If you can listen, if you can ask questions, people
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would love speaking to you.
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And it's extremely important when it comes to work relationships, and of
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course, to personal relationships.
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Okay.
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So leave me a comment below.
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Tell me what other things you think can turn you into a great conversation partner,
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and what are the things that you're still struggling with?
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Let me know and let's start a conversation right there in the comments below.
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Thank you so much for watching.
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If you like this video, please share it with your friends.
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And if you haven't subscribed to my YouTube channel, click on
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the Subscribe button and on the bell to get notifications, so you
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know when I upload a new video.
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Have a wonderful week, full of communication and conversation.
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And I'll see you next week in the next video.
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Bye.
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