Can You Love Your Body — and Still Want To Change It? | Gabriella Lascano | TED

譯者: Lilian Chiu 審譯者: 麗玲 辛

I always believed in what I thought was body positivity.

我以前一直很相信 我所認知的身體自愛。

I believe that you should love yourself at any size,

我相信，不論你的體型如何， 你都應該愛自己，

while still working toward any health goal you may have.

同時也應努力朝你的健康目標邁進。

People of all shapes and sizes deserve love,

各種身形的人都值得被愛、

respect and equal opportunities.

被尊重，且擁有平等的機會。

But in our discriminatory society, we don't always get that.

但在我們這個充滿歧視的 社會中，不見得都能得到這些。

Growing up in the Bronx,

我在布朗克斯長大， 看過很多人生活困苦。

I watched people struggle.

Drugs, finances, poor living conditions —

毒品、財務問題、生活條件欠佳——

and I always wanted to bring joy and positivity to those people.

我也一直想把歡樂 和正向態度帶給這些人。

Through my various talents, of course.

當然，這要靠我的多才多藝。

But when I was growing up,

但成長過程中，

fat people were not the figureheads,

胖子都不會是領袖、

the models, the pop stars, right?

模特兒、流行歌手，對吧？

Fat people were non-existent or the butt of the joke.

胖子會被忽視， 不然就是被當成笑柄。

So I found other ways to express myself and share my personality with the world

所以，我找到了其他方式 來表達我自己，

並與世界分享我的個性 及自愛的訊息。

and my message of self-love.

In 2010, I made a YouTube channel.

2010 年，我創立了 一個 YouTube 頻道。

After years of watching other content,

多年來，我都在看別人創作的內容，

I was inspired to make my own.

我受到鼓舞，想創作我自己的內容。

And my natural confidence drew people in.

而我渾然天成的信心吸引了觀眾，

I started to see myself as a voice for plus-size women,

我開始認為自己可以為他人發聲， 包括大尺碼女性、有色人種女性，

women of color

and others who felt disenfranchised like I did.

以及其他和我一樣感覺 自身權利被剝奪的人。

我製作影片來展示我的 服裝、化妝、髮型，

I made videos showing my outfits and my makeup, my hair,

and tips on what stores had plus-size-friendly options.

也分享哪些商店 有大尺碼商品可供選擇。

And by just being myself,

我只是做自己，

I grew my channel to almost 200,000 subscribers

我的頻道就成長到有二十萬訂閱者，

and I was helping people like me.

我在幫助像我這樣的人。

I felt so much love from women like me

像我這樣的女性 讓我感受到滿滿的愛，

who were sending me heartwarming messages

她們發送暖心的訊息 給我，表示因為我，

about how I was the reason they felt brave enough to wear a bikini

她們才鼓起勇氣， 第一次穿上比基尼。

for the first time in their lives.

Eventually, this led me to the body positivity community online,

最終，這條路把我帶到了 線上的身體自愛社群，

a place where people supported each other,

在這個社群裡，各種 體型的人彼此互相支持。

people of all shapes and sizes.

I personally never put a name to what I was doing.

我個人從來沒有 為我所做的事取名字。

I just knew I wanted to be a beacon of light for others

我只知道我想成為指引別人的明燈，

who experienced similar struggles to my own.

協助和我有著類似辛苦經歷的人。

But the body positivity community

但身體自愛社群

was a place where people celebrated different bodies.

是大家頌揚不同的身體的地方， 感覺就像一張暖呼呼的毯子，

It felt like a warm blanket

and it was a space where everyone uplifted each other

在這個空間裡，無論你是什麼模樣， 大家都會鼓勵、扶持彼此。

no matter what you looked like.

A place where my body wasn't a hindrance to my success,

在那裡，我的身體 不是阻擋我成功的障礙，

but a welcome piece.

而是促成成功的一部分。

Of course, there were people outside the community

當然，有社群外的人

who told me I was glorifying obesity, right?

告訴我我是在美化肥胖，對吧？

You hear that a lot.

常會聽到這種說法： 「你好大的膽子，竟敢美化肥胖。」

"You're glorifying obesity.

How dare you?"

But I never let that stop me

但我從來沒有因此停下來， 因為對我來說，自愛永遠比自艾好。

because positivity will always be greater than negativity for me.

I will always keep the spotlight on the love I receive, not the hate.

我永遠會把焦點放在 我得到的愛，而非仇恨。

Because the space I carved out for myself online

因為我向來覺得我在線上 為我自己開闢的這個空間

was one that I felt always exuded positivity,

總是散發正能量、 鼓舞人心的態度，以及愛。

uplifting attitudes and love.

But in early 2023,

但，在 2023 年初，

that sense of community started to unravel.

那種社群的歸屬感開始瓦解。

My dear friend, who was a pioneer in the body positivity movement,

一位身體自愛運動的先鋒， 也是我摯愛的友人，過世了。

passed away.

And it hit me, you know, I was devastated, of course,

而我深受打擊，

當然，我悲痛欲絕，

I lost my friend.

我失去了我的朋友。

But it also hit me that my habits

但我也被打醒，原來我的習慣有可能

could cause me to end up in a similar situation.

會讓我最後落得類似的下場。

I had to take a hard, honest look at my habits

我不得不認真而坦誠地審視我的習慣

and where I was going with my health,

以及我的健康在朝什麼方向發展，

because the consequences of your actions don't hit you when you're young,

因為你要年紀越大才越能 感受到你的行為造成的後果。

as they do with age.

And although not the case for everyone,

讓我說清楚，雖然不是人人皆如此，

make it clear,

for me personally, that warm,

對我個人來說，那張喛呼呼又能 提供支持的身體自愛社群毯子

supportive blanket of the body positivity community

讓我忽視了我的健康， 且體重又增加了些。

was causing me to lose sight of my health and gain weight.

My friend's death shook me to my core,

我朋友的離世如同當頭棒喝，

and so I made a TikTok video out of sadness and angst.

出於悲傷和焦慮， 我製作了一支抖音影片。

I was emotional.

我當時感觸良多。

I lost a friend

我失去了朋友，

and I felt indebted to my community,

我對我的社群感到虧欠，

I owed them an explanation and a conversation

我欠他們一個解釋， 也該和他們好好對話，

because my audience is easily like,

因為我的觀眾很容易……

you feel indebted to your younger viewers,

你會覺得愧對你的年輕觀眾，

who could be easily influenced

因為你的人生看起來又炫又潮， 很容易就會影響他們。

by how glamorous and trendy your life can look.

Even when I wasn't feeling my best and at my heaviest,

即使在我感覺不甚好、 體重最重的時候，

I put on my nice outfits and I made my content.

我還是穿上美美的服裝 去製作我的內容。

My friend's death made me realize I wanted to lead a healthier lifestyle.

我朋友的離世讓我意識到 我想用更健康的方式過生活。

And so I made this video

因此，我製作了這支影片， 有時我很苛刻且情緒化。

and I was harsh and emotional at times.

I never meant to hurt anyone.

我從來不想傷人。

I made it as a wake up call to call in others like me,

我製作這支影片，盼能作為警示， 邀請和我一樣的人，

who finally wanted to make a positive change

終於想要在人生中做出正向 改變，讓自己更健康的人。

and a healthy change in their life.

Of course, there were those who accused me of turning my back on the community

當然，也有些人指責我背棄這個社群

and everything that I and the community stood for,

以及我和這個社群 之前所捍衞的一切，

but I was scared because I was getting to the point where ...

但我很害怕，因為 我的狀況已經到了……

I took pictures of myself or I saw videos and I didn't recognize myself.

我都認不出照片或影片的自己。

I was bigger than I realized I was.

我比我以為的還要巨大。

I got to the point where I didn't want to leave the house

我已經到了不想出門的程度，

因為我幾乎無法行走， 一下就氣喘吁吁。

because I could barely walk.

I was out of breath.

In that TikTok video,

我在那個抖音影片中說，不論 我們的體型如何都應該愛自己，

I said that we should love ourselves at any size,

while still being aware of the potential dangers of obesity

而同時還是要意識到 肥胖的潛在危險，

like heart disease, diabetes and other diseases

比如心臟病、糖尿病等疾病，

that, while affect the entire population, right,

雖然所有人都可能會得到這些疾病，

we all know a skinny person with diabetes,

我們身邊都有很瘦 但患有糖尿病的人，

但肥胖的人得到 這些疾病的比例特別高。

but it can disproportionately affect those of us who are obese.

Throughout my career, I had talked about my struggles with being plus size,

在我的職涯中，我曾談過 我的大尺碼帶給我的煩惱，

and I'd made content around weight loss journeys,

我也製作過關於減重過程的內容，

and I shared those struggles and those journeys online.

並在線上分享過 那些煩惱和那些過程。

But in more recent years, I've begun to tread more carefully

但，近年來，我開始更加謹慎，

because I was scared of rejection from the community.

因為我害怕被社群排拒， 我害怕被取消追縱。

I was scared of being canceled, right?

Who isn't afraid of saying the wrong thing?

誰不怕說錯話？

But the body positivity community had changed as well.

但身體自愛社群也改變了。

It was no longer sending a message of "love yourself at any size."

它傳遞的訊息不再是 「不論體型都要愛自己」。

It was now radical fat acceptance.

變成是很激進地去接受肥胖。

The idea that if you lose weight or go on a health journey,

想法變成是，如果 你減重或朝健康邁進，

that you hate yourself, or that you hate other fat people,

你就是討厭自己， 或者討厭其他胖子，

and that you're feeding into this harmful narrative

你是在助長「減重是通往幸福的 唯一道路，」這個有害的觀念，

that weight loss is the only way to happiness, which isn't true.

而這觀念是錯的。

I began noticing an overwhelming lack of empathy toward me

我開始注意到， 社群成員完全無法同理

我以及任何談論減重的人，

and anyone else who talked about weight loss,

some even going as far as to say

有些成員甚至過份到直接說

that anyone who pursued a health journey was dead to them.

追求健康的人對他們來說就是死了。

This is videos that we're seeing on TikTok of people in the comments,

這是我們在抖音上看到的影片， 評論和留言寫著「某某人安息」。

in the captions saying "So-and-so R.I.P."

because now they want to lose weight.

因為這些人現在想減重。

That doesn't sound like the warm, supportive community I joined.

這聽起來不像我當時加入的 那個暖心且提供支持的社群。

Some even went as far as to say that the word obese was now a slur.

有人甚至過份到說「肥胖」 這個詞現在已被視為侮辱了。

我發佈我的影片時，

So when I posted my video,

some people in the community said,

社群中有些人說：「哇，一股清流， 我們需要這個，得要有人說出來。」

"Wow, what a breath of fresh air, we needed this, someone had to say this."

但這個激進地接受肥胖的社群 將矛頭指向我，把我變成賤民。

But the radical fat acceptance community turned on me and turned me into a pariah.

The attacks were intense.

我受到激烈攻擊， 被稱為壞女孩、騙子、惡霸、

I got called a mean girl, a phony, a bully,

a piece of shit.

混蛋，各位可以想像有多慘。

I mean, you can imagine how bad it was.

But that's not what hurt me the most.

但這還不是最讓我受傷的。

Because I'm strong, I'm from the Bronx,

因為我很堅強，我來自 布朗克斯，這我還頂得住。

I can deal with it.

What hurt me the most is thinking about people

最讓我受傷的，是想到 有人會和我一樣默默受苦。

who are going to suffer in silence, like me.

People who won't ask for help

那些是不會尋求幫助的人，

because they're scared of being attacked like I was.

因為他們害怕會像我這樣被攻擊。

My heart is with those of us who struggle with our weight.

我的心與我們這些 為體重而苦的人同在，

Who want to be our healthiest selves

這些人想要盡力讓自己健康，

and still love the bodies that we're currently in.

且仍然能去愛現在這種身型的身體。

Because by daring to live out loud and being right here, right now,

因為透過勇敢發聲活出自己， 以及此時此刻站在這裡，

I'm still fighting for the equality of fat people.

我仍在為胖子的平權奮戰。

Two things can be true at once.

兩者是可以並存的。

Fat people can be treated badly by society and often are.

胖子可能會受到社會的 不當對待，且常常就是如此。

But fat people can be healthy or unhealthy, right?

但胖子就和任何人一樣， 也有健康的和不健康的，對吧？

Like any of us.

And by trying to lose weight

且不論是試圖減重 或者提醒肥胖的危險性，

or bringing attention to the dangers of obesity,

我們都不是痛恨自己或任何其他人。

we are not hating ourselves or hating anyone else.

Because like I said before,

因為，如我先前所言， 成為瘦子並不是幸福的解藥。

being thin is not the cure to happiness.

It's not like the easy way to happiness.

它不是通往幸福的捷徑。

I can love myself and want to make a change for the better.

我可以愛自己， 同時也想要變得更好。

I would argue loving yourself makes you want to change for the better.

我主張，愛自己會讓你想變得更好。

And I would hope that any of you

我希望在座任何人

want to make a change in your life for the better,

會想讓你們的人生變得更好， 不論你或是你的身體是什麼模樣。

regardless of what you look like or what your body looks like.

Body autonomy embraces this exact sentiment.

身體自主性支持的就是這種觀念。

You should be able to do whatever you want with your body

你想怎麼對你的身體都是你的決定， 就像我可以決定怎麼對待我的身體。

like I can do with mine, right?

Because either-or thinking is dangerous.

因為「非此即彼」思維是很危險的。

We have some people on one side

其中一邊的人認為

who think that anyone who's fat should just cease to exist.

胖子都應該消失。

"Oh my God, I don't want to see it."

「喔，天，我不想看。」

But that's not realistic.

但那很不實際。

And on the other hand,

而另一邊的人則認為 和減重沾上邊就是背叛。

you have people who think any weight loss journey is a betrayal.

We need more empathy, more compassion,

針對這個主題，我們需要更多 同理心、同情心、有深度的對談，

more nuanced conversations about this topic,

because loving yourself at any size will always be my message.

因為我的訊息永遠都會是： 不論體型如何都要愛自己。

A health journey is an act of self-love, not an act of self-hate.

朝健康努力是自愛的行為， 而不是自我厭惡。

I hope that by sharing my story,

我希望透過分享我的故事，

we can have more honest and open and compassionate conversations

我們可以進行更誠實、 開放、有同情心的談話，

about health and wellness and loving yourself.

談健康，談幸福，談愛自己。

Because I am still fat, right?

因為，我還是很胖，對吧？

We see that.

這是看得到的。

But whether or not that changes,

但是，無論這一點是否會改變，

I will always believe in body positivity,

我都還是會一直相信 身體自愛、身體自主性，

body autonomy

and loving yourself at any size.

以及不論體型如何都要愛自己。

Thank you.

謝謝。

(Applause)

（掌聲）