How not to swear!

Hi, feckers. How you doing? Sometimes, you want to say bad words. But sometimes -- just

sometimes -- people get angry if you use bad words. I'm going to teach you how not to swear.

I'm also going to teach you how to swear. Perfect.

So we have these words in English called "curse", "swear", or "bad words". Okay? These are words

that people -- some people -- think are bad. Part of the reason why people believe that

they're bad is people who are very religious -- so if you find yourself in the middle of

America, which means you're not on the East Coast; you're not on the West Coast; you're

kind of in the middle, smack-dab, or if you're in Calgary or Edmonton or some places in Canada

where people are really Christian, a lot of them do not like it when you say "shit". So

you have to choose a different word. I'm here to teach you this.

So "damn" -- now, "damn" has the religious background. So "damn" is like, "Damn you all

to hell." "Damn" is a bad word because they're basically going to hell and not going to heaven.

So instead of saying "damn", people say "dang" or "darn". "Darn it!" Some people go as far

as to say, "Rats!" My grandmother's favorite, "Oh, dash!" Now, my grandmother was from Scotland,

so I think this is kind of a Scottish translation of "damn". People in movies say "goddamn".

That's pretty bad if you're really religious.

Then, for all the people out there, "Oh, my God." It's been shortened now to "OMG". Did

you know that "OMG" meant "Oh, my God"? Did you know that? So this, maybe, I think, is

an acceptable way for people to get around saying "Oh, my God." I wonder if really devout

Christian people like to say "OMG". I don't know.

So instead of saying "god", all they do is replace it with either "gosh" or "goodness".

So instead of saying, "Oh, my God", you can say, "Oh, my gosh" or, "Oh, my goodness."

For me, personally, I would say these words because I'm not religious. But, like I said,

some people get a little bit freaked out if you use bad language. So just to be nice,

this is what you're going to do.

Now, at a work place or in a very formal environment, people do not like it when you say swear words.

Now, swear words are typical things like "fuck", "shit", "bullshit", "bitch", "mother fucker",

"horseshit", "son of a bitch". These words are considered bad. These are bad words. Personally,

Ronnie loves bad words. Ronnie says bad words all the time. It's hard for me to not say

bad words sometimes. So in an environment like my job, I cannot use bad words. If I'm

going for a job interview, I don't want to drop the F-bomb: What's the "F-bomb"? The

"F-bomb" is just the word "fuck". People don't like the word "fuck". They think it's bad.

So they can say, "Ronnie dropped the F-bomb in the job interview. We're not giving her

a job." Don't say "fuck" in a job interview unless you're a porn star; say it all you want.

We have the word "shit". Now, "shit" is -- do you like my picture? "Unko" -- Japanese

for you. Shit is the stuff that comes out of your bum. It is shit. It doesn't smell

nice. It's terrible. If you are Irish, you're going to say "shite". My father once said,

"That's shite." And I was like, "That's cool. That's shite." I got in shit because I said

"shite". Apparently, "shite" is a bad word, too. Some people don't know "shite" is a bad

word, so you can say it. Go test people. People like to say "crap" because it's poo, or "poop".

"Crap" and "poop" are just shit, okay? "Bologna." And you go, "Hey, isn't that a place in Italy?

What do you guys have against the place in Italy? Is it terrible?" No, but "bologna"

is sandwich meat, and -- I don't know how they get this, but people go, "sandwich meat."

Not "salami", though; "bologna". "That's bologna." It's chicken. I don't know where this came

from. And a play on the "crap" is "crapola". "Holy crapola!" "Oh, crapola!" "That's crapola."

All of these words are replacements for "shit" or "shite". "Holy shit" is a surprise. Again,

we have the "holy", like God took a shit. So "holy shit", again, with the religious

people, is considered bad because it's a holy shit. Double swear here. So people will say

"holy cow" or "oh, snap". I don't know how that works, but these are what people have

replaced this with. I think Bart Simpson from the Simpsons said, "Don't have a cow, man

", but I don't think he said "holy cow". He definitely was not allowed to say "holy shit".

On most TV programs, they are not allowed to use swear words or bad words. In Canada,

you cannot use them until after 9 p.m. So after 9 p.m., on most TV stations, it's okay

to say "shit". Woohoo! Freedom of speech. Freedom of speech has happened. Fuck.

You can say "frick". You can say "frak". You can say "fek". My personal favorite -- or

as I called everyone today -- "feckers". "Fek", again, is the Irish word for "fuck". I don't

know if it really means "fuck" or if it's just the accent and the way they say it, but

I say "fek" all the time. I have an it shirt that says "fek". Even my mother doesn't know.

Okay?

Then, we have this word that's "eff". So you could be funny and put "eff you". "Oh, eff

me?" "Eff you" means "fuck you", but you can't say "fuck", so you say, "Eff you."

And then, you have the -ing. So sometimes, you want to say something like, "This is fucking

tasty. I love it." But that's a bad word, so you can say, "This is flippin' delicious"

or, "This is effin' wonderful." "This is freakin' great." "Frig" also means "fuck". "Fudge"

-- if you're really, really, really angry, and you want to say a bad word, you can say,

"Oh, fudge!" "Fiddlesticks. Fiddlesticks! Fiddlesticks!" I really don't know how they

get this other than it has the same F sound. So "effin'", "freakin'" "frig", or "friggin'".

"Fudge", "fiddlesticks", the "F-bomb", "frick", "frak", "fek", "flippin'", and "eff" -- they

just mean "fuck". Okay?

In this one, actually, we have to put f-l-i-p-p-i-n' because when you're going to replace the swear

words, you've got to get the spelling correct, too. Okay?

Then, we have one of my favorites, "bullshit". "Bullshit" means someone's telling you something

that you think is not true. So for example, if I said to you, "I'm going to give everyone

watching this video $10,000." You can say, "That's bullshit, Ronnie." Or if you don't

want to say "bullshit", you can say, "Hey, that's BS." It just means "bullshit" or "bullspit".

Bull's spit. Okay? "That's bull spit." Okay? Or you could just say, "That's bull". When

I was a child, I think I said "bullshit" once, and I got in trouble. So I said "BS", and

that was fine.

Even more outrageously crazy is "horseshit". Okay? Bullshit -- maybe bulls shit a little

bit. Horses -- goddamn. They shit a lot. "Horseshit" is 900 times bigger and better than "bullshit".

So if I said to you, "Not only will I give you $10,000, I am going to give you a car.

You can come to Canada and live in my house. And I will cook you food every day." You would

say, "Well that, right there, is a load of horseshit, Ronnie" because none of this is true.

But if you want to say a bad word for "shit", you can say "horse pucky". "Pucky" means "poo",

horse poo. "That's horse pucky."

Now, some of these ones, when I look at them or think about them, they make me giggle because

to me, it's really, really, really American, and it's really the middle states of America,

and these people are really, really, really Christian. So they say, "That's horse pucky."

I kind of have to do it with a little Texan accent. "You kind of got to kick your heels up."

This one, people don't like this. "Mother fucker". People hate when you call them a

"mother fucker". Okay? So instead of saying this -- maybe you've seen this, "MoFo". "Hey,

MoFo." "MoFo? What's a MoFo?" "MoFo" is "mother fucker". Okay? In TV, again, they're not allowed

to say "mother fucker". Some movies, they don't say this, so they say "MoFo".

These are funny. Instead of saying "mother fucker", you can say "monkey father". "Hey,

you, monkey father, I don't like you at all. Or even worse, "Look at you being a melon

farmer. Do you grow melons? You're a bad person." "Hey, melon farmer, I'm going to kill you."

Somehow, it doesn't have the same punch as "mother fucker". These swear words or these

bad words are things that we have developed in our society to think that they're bad.

"Bitch" -- "bitch" has two meanings. One, it's a female dog. Two, it's a nasty -- there's

three. It's a nasty woman. Or four, it's a man in jail who does everything for you. So

we also have the word "biatch". You've heard this before, haven't you? So people will say,

"Hey, bitch." "Bitch" is a bad word, so they say "biatch". It's in a lot of rap music,

too. Then, we have, maybe, you "son of a bitch". That's just like "mother fucker". That's just

bad. "You insulting my mama?" So instead of saying "son of a bitch", people say "son of

a gun". Your mother had sex with a gun. Is that better? Or "SOB". "He's a dirty SOB."

Son of a bitch. SOB.

I have a special request or special saying that I'd like to teach you guys. And it's

from the Indian language, and it's "benchod". Apparently, "benchod" means "sister fucker".

But it also means "great pleasure". I haven't quite figured that one out yet. Is it good?

Is it bad? Maybe it's great. Maybe it's slang. If you want to learn more slang, check out

more slang videos on EngVid.

Why would you not want to swear? How not to swear. Why don't we just swear all the time?

Job interviews, workplaces -- if you ever meet my mother, don't swear in front of her.

Some people -- a lot of older people don't like it when you swear. It's rude. It's vulgar.

Some people think it's obscene. That's cool. Everyone has their own opinion. So if you

need to think of ways not to swear, gosh, golly, gee, you've got it right here. See

you later, y'all.

"This is a frackin' joke." "Oh, give me a frackin' break." "Shut the frack up." "Get

to the frackin' point." "I fracked up." "Come, mother fracker." "You can tell me I fracked

up." "Tell me I fracked up."