How to Reclaim Your Life From Work | Simone Stolzoff | TED

69,819 views ・ 2025-01-13

TED


Please double-click on the English subtitles below to play the video.

00:04
I once met this Chilean guy at a hostel.
0
4292
3837
00:08
"So what do you do?" I asked him.
1
8171
3295
00:11
"You mean for work?"
2
11508
2002
00:13
he responded as if I had just asked the color of his underwear.
3
13552
3712
00:17
(Laughter)
4
17305
1335
00:18
In the US, “What do you do?” is often the first question
5
18682
2669
00:21
we ask when we meet someone new.
6
21393
2085
00:23
This is drilled into us from an early age.
7
23520
2961
00:26
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
8
26481
2086
00:28
we ask our kids,
9
28567
1543
00:30
already conflating who we are with what we do,
10
30110
3295
00:33
as if our jobs and identities were one and the same.
11
33405
2711
00:37
I think about this a lot.
12
37534
1543
00:39
I'm a labor journalist, and I wrote a book called "The Good Enough Job,"
13
39077
4129
00:43
in which I spoke to over 100 people
14
43248
1960
00:45
about the relationship between their work and their identity.
15
45250
3128
00:49
But before I was a professional writer,
16
49462
2545
00:52
I was a 22-year-old poetry student
17
52048
2711
00:54
trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.
18
54801
3086
00:59
It was around this time that I had the opportunity
19
59180
2378
01:01
to interview my favorite writer in the entire world,
20
61600
2711
01:04
the poet Anis Mojgani.
21
64352
2253
01:06
And so I asked him,
22
66605
1334
01:07
"Anis, how do you feel about the mantra,
23
67939
2002
01:09
do what you love and never work a day in your life?"
24
69941
2795
01:13
And I'll never forget what he told me.
25
73695
1835
01:16
He said, "You know, Simone,
26
76656
2336
01:18
I think some people do what they love for work,
27
78992
3295
01:22
and others do what they have to
28
82287
2627
01:24
so they can do what they love when they're not working.
29
84956
2795
01:28
And neither is more noble."
30
88710
1543
01:32
I think that last part is key.
31
92172
2169
01:34
We live in a society that loves to revere people
32
94382
2920
01:37
whose jobs and identities neatly align.
33
97344
3086
01:40
And here was my idol, a professional poet no less,
34
100472
3670
01:44
telling me that it's OK to have a day job.
35
104184
2711
01:48
If we want to develop a healthier relationship to work,
36
108271
3212
01:51
we can't just think about work-life balance
37
111483
2460
01:53
in terms of how we spend our time.
38
113943
3003
01:56
We have to think about how we construct our identity.
39
116946
3504
02:01
What we do is part of but not the entirety of who we are.
40
121826
4380
02:07
Let me be clear.
41
127999
1251
02:09
I don't think there's anything wrong with doing what you love for work.
42
129292
3504
02:12
We work more than we do just about anything else,
43
132837
2920
02:15
and how we spend those hours matters.
44
135799
3461
02:19
And yet, our current relationship to work isn't quite working.
45
139302
4296
02:25
A recent study found
46
145225
1293
02:26
that 48 percent of workers around the globe are burnt out.
47
146518
4129
02:30
48 percent.
48
150647
1668
02:32
That's half this room.
49
152315
1752
02:34
Actually, in this room, probably more than half.
50
154067
3337
02:37
And yet, the way that we commonly talk about burnout
51
157404
2836
02:40
doesn't address its root cause.
52
160240
2794
02:43
There's a reason why a one-week vacation doesn't magically cure us.
53
163034
4088
02:47
There's a reason why our intentions to practice self-care
54
167122
3670
02:50
and set better boundaries
55
170834
1751
02:52
inevitably break down.
56
172627
1960
02:54
It's like we're shielding ourselves from the sun with a cocktail umbrella.
57
174629
3504
02:59
If we want to actually change our relationship to work,
58
179342
4129
03:03
we have to go deeper.
59
183513
1293
03:05
It starts with our identity.
60
185849
2294
03:09
Certainly, we are all more than just workers.
61
189853
2627
03:12
We’re parents and friends and citizens
62
192480
3545
03:16
and artists and travelers and neighbors.
63
196025
3337
03:19
Much like an investor benefits
64
199362
1835
03:21
from diversifying the sources of stocks in their portfolio,
65
201197
4004
03:25
we, too, benefit from diversifying the sources
66
205201
2795
03:27
of meaning and identity in our lives.
67
207996
2836
03:31
But how do you actually go about doing so?
68
211958
2127
03:35
Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel described Shabbat,
69
215712
3420
03:39
the weekly Jewish practice of abstaining from work,
70
219174
3211
03:42
as a sanctuary in time.
71
222427
2294
03:45
I love this image.
72
225638
2128
03:47
Rather than a physical sanctuary, like a synagogue,
73
227807
3420
03:51
Shabbat is a time sanctuary.
74
231269
2461
03:54
So the first step to diversifying your identity
75
234481
3253
03:57
is to create those time sanctuaries,
76
237734
2836
04:00
spaces in your days, in your weeks,
77
240570
2961
04:03
in your life where work is not an option.
78
243531
3087
04:07
Unlike mere intentions to work less or set better boundaries,
79
247744
4880
04:12
time sanctuaries require infrastructure.
80
252665
2962
04:15
Putting time on the calendar to learn a new language,
81
255668
3420
04:19
putting your phone in airplane mode while you play with your kids
82
259130
4171
04:23
so that work doesn't expand like a gas and fill all of your unoccupied space.
83
263343
5255
04:29
The second step is to fill those time sanctuaries
84
269808
2961
04:32
with activities that reinforce
85
272811
1584
04:34
the other identities you hope to cultivate.
86
274437
2503
04:36
The present father, the community gardener,
87
276940
3044
04:39
the amateur musician.
88
279984
1502
04:43
It may sound simple,
89
283613
1460
04:45
but if we want to derive meaning from aspects of our life other than work,
90
285073
4212
04:49
we have to do things other than work.
91
289285
3712
04:54
Now these don't have to be grand gestures.
92
294249
2419
04:56
In the reporting in my book,
93
296709
1377
04:58
I spoke to all of these hyperambitious workaholics,
94
298127
2795
05:00
and they'd say things like, "Diversify my identity. Got it.
95
300964
3003
05:04
I’m going to read 52 books this year.
96
304008
3629
05:07
Or I’m going to run an ultramarathon.”
97
307679
2794
05:11
We even convert our leisure into other forms of labor.
98
311474
3837
05:17
My advice is to start small.
99
317063
2085
05:20
How about a weekly walk with your best friend?
100
320191
2461
05:23
Or ten minutes practicing the piano after dinner.
101
323778
2586
05:28
The third step is to reinforce these identities
102
328700
3670
05:32
by joining communities
103
332370
1293
05:33
who couldn't care less about what you do for work.
104
333705
3461
05:37
For example, I love to play pickup basketball,
105
337208
2753
05:40
and one of the benefits of my weekly game is that the people I play with
106
340003
3920
05:43
don't care how many words I've written or how many books I've sold.
107
343965
4630
05:48
They care that I show up on time and that I'm a good teammate.
108
348636
3504
05:53
It’s a weekly reminder that I exist on this Earth
109
353182
2753
05:55
to do more than just produce economic value.
110
355977
3003
06:00
The irony is that diversifying our identity
111
360815
3212
06:04
can be great for business too.
112
364027
1668
06:06
Research shows that people with varied interests
113
366905
2961
06:09
tend to be more creative problem solvers and more innovative.
114
369866
4546
06:14
Hobbies are one of the best ways to recharge
115
374412
3045
06:17
so that you can be more productive when you're back on the clock.
116
377498
3963
06:21
And a diverse identity can come in handy in the face of a stressful event
117
381502
4088
06:25
like a recession or a layoff.
118
385632
2502
06:29
I spoke to all of these folks for my book who treated their work like their family
119
389135
5088
06:34
and then were unceremoniously let go during the pandemic.
120
394265
3712
06:39
If you are what you do and you lose your job,
121
399354
4671
06:44
who are you?
122
404025
1251
06:47
But in addition to the business case,
123
407278
2961
06:50
there's also the moral case.
124
410239
1752
06:52
If we want to develop more well-rounded versions of ourselves,
125
412992
4129
06:57
if we want to build robust relationships
126
417121
2586
06:59
and live in robust communities
127
419749
2127
07:01
and have a robust society at large,
128
421918
2753
07:04
we all must invest in aspects of our lives beyond work.
129
424712
4046
07:10
We shouldn't just work less because it makes us better workers.
130
430259
3671
07:14
We should work less because it makes us better people.
131
434973
3378
07:19
This isn't just about you and me.
132
439852
2461
07:22
This is about teaching our kids
133
442313
1835
07:24
that their self-worth is not determined by their job title.
134
444148
3045
07:28
This is about reinforcing the fact
135
448611
2294
07:30
that not all noble work neatly translates to a line on a resume.
136
450905
4129
07:35
This is about setting the example
137
455952
1960
07:37
that we all have a responsibility to contribute to the world
138
457912
4338
07:42
in a way beyond contributing to one organization's bottom line.
139
462291
3963
07:48
So the next time you're at a party,
140
468089
2419
07:50
instead of asking someone, "What do you do?"
141
470550
3128
07:53
I encourage you to add two small words to your question.
142
473720
3378
07:58
Instead, ask them,
143
478349
2044
08:00
"What do you like to do?"
144
480435
1710
08:03
Maybe you like to cook.
145
483938
1418
08:06
Maybe you like to write.
146
486441
2460
08:08
Maybe you do some of those things for work.
147
488901
2753
08:11
Or maybe you don't.
148
491654
1251
08:14
But “What do you like to do”
149
494073
2169
08:16
is a question that allows each of us to define ourselves on our own terms.
150
496242
5547
08:23
Thank you.
151
503082
1251
08:24
(Applause)
152
504375
6882
About this website

This site will introduce you to YouTube videos that are useful for learning English. You will see English lessons taught by top-notch teachers from around the world. Double-click on the English subtitles displayed on each video page to play the video from there. The subtitles scroll in sync with the video playback. If you have any comments or requests, please contact us using this contact form.

https://forms.gle/WvT1wiN1qDtmnspy7