How to Handle Rejection - How to Speak English Fluently - Advanced English Listening Practice - 76

hi there I'm drew badger the world's

number one english fluency guide and it

is a pleasure to welcome you to another

advanced listening practice

listen was this pretty cool huh

I do that with my daughter at home she

likes that like I'm flying

anyway it's kind of hard to see I don't

have much space but in this video what I

wanted to talk about is rejection

rejection being rejected by something

when especially if you're a guy and

you're trying to approach a nice-looking

woman and you say hey like would you

like to go out and she says uh no you're

going to be rejected you're going to be

rejected everybody is going to be

rejected and it's just a fact of life

this is a great fries when something is

a fact of life it's just something that

everyone will I guess it will apply to

everyone everyone will experience it

it's just something that everyone has to

experience I've been rejected a lot and

it doesn't matter whether you're being

rejected by you know person that you're

trying to go on a date with or maybe

you're trying to sell something and

somebody doesn't buy it or use lots of

other reasons why you might be rejected

by a particular thing but in this video

I wanted to explain just kind of give

you a little bit more comfort about

being rejected

now I talked in a previous video

recently where I was talking about

working at a sushi restaurant and how

you're using an opportunity to when you

make a mistake it's really an

opportunity to learn something or when

you're rejected by someone in this case

in the end when talking about this video

you might be feeling a little bit

nervous about that I ask a woman for

number and i say he liked are you are

you like wanted to go out and she says

no and I might feel bad about that but

really what you're feeling bad about is

the kind of lack of confidence that you

have in yourself when you're when you're

making an offer to someone so when

you're asking someone for money as a

salesman you're asking for a date or

you're trying to do anything like you

talk to your boss and say hey I'd like

to do something in the person says no to

you all these situations it's more about

the confidence you have going into the

offer than it is about really the being

rejected by something so we know that

everyone will be rejected at some point

and even if you have something fantastic

to offer like you think you're really

great person that maybe that other

person should be dating or you think you

have a really great product that you

think somebody else will want to

purchase not everybody is going to

purchase it that's just how it happens

but the important thing is when you're

thinking about what's the best way to

deal with the rejection so you say

something you present an offer and then

it's not accepted by other people

you don't have to feel bad about that if

you've got confidence going in knowing

that you have a good offer

so the good offer again like we know for

sure like not everyone will accept our

offer not everyone you could have the

best restaurant in town and there will

be some people that still don't like it

or some people that don't want to go to

that restaurant for whatever reason but

if you know you have a good restaurant

and that you know there you can't really

please everyone you can be confident

about that and really it becomes much

easier to accept the people that don't

accept your offer

when that happens so you're not really

being rejected in that case it's more

being like I guess that person wasn't

really a good fit they were one of those

people that probably wouldn't be right

for my situation anyway they might not

like my food if I'm a restaurant owner

or you know maybe we don't have good

chemistry if I'm trying to ask someone

out on a date but in all of these

situations what you're really doing is

beginning with the confidence you have

in yourself and thinking like in the

case of speaking English ok I maybe I'm

kind of worried about someone not

understanding me

or maybe they might laugh at me if I say

something wrong

really I'm confident in my ability just

to take action and to get into a

situation where I'm happy to have a

conversation with people even if they

laugh at me either i'm going to just try

to learn something from that i will

think okay that person is just like

maybe they're just not very cool i don't

need to talk with them anymore but I

don't feel bad about them laughing at me

as long as I'm confident about the offer

that I'm giving to other people

the difficult thing is when you're not

confident about what you're offering

people and in that situation you're in a

situation where you don't you don't

really know if you feel right about

something and that's the kind of thing

it's much much harder or much more

difficult to take one other people are

rejecting you

so if I walk up to a girl and I'm kind

of like being shy about it like it's

almost like I agree with her that she's

rejecting me and I feel bad about that

so i understand i like yeah I'm like

kind of shy and I can understand why

maybe she rejected me she didn't want to

go out on a date with me but if I come

up to a woman and I'm very confident and

I say hey blonde kind of giving her an

offer and saying would you like to go

out can I have your phone number and she

just says no then I think okay maybe we

just weren't a good fit for each other

but that doesn't mean I'm a bad person

or that i don't have something to offer

to the right person so you will have

experiences in your life especially when

you're trying to speak English with

people where maybe you would be

accepting or trying to offer something

to someone like you're just offering

them a conversation or you're saying

something and the response that you get

from them it should not have an effect

on you so much

if you're already confident about what

you're doing so if my goal is just to

open my mouth in the conversation I

don't care of people laugh at me or not

it's just

hey I got into the conversation

fantastic and people even reject me

after that I don't care I don't feel bad

about that and then this skill or this

ability to feel more confident about

something it develops over time so if

you think about what's the best way to

approach people the really the best way

is to have confidence in whatever it is

you're offering to people whether you're

selling something or whether you're

trying to ask someone for a date or do

anything else we're having to convince

somebody else to take action or to do

something so in these situations be

confident about what you're doing have a

specific goal that you know you're

confident about I just want to open my

mouth one time when I'm speaking I just

want to say hello to someone I just want

to get them maybe to say a few words

back to me and even if they laugh or

something like that

the real goal is just to do this one

particular thing and even if they reject

me I still feel great because i actually

took the action and was able to

accomplish something and that's the

thing you really feel confident about so

when you're not confident when you're

not feeling that and this is something

you develop even before you get into the

conversation with someone even before

you make an offer

before you try to sell something if you

have a product and you don't believe in

that product is going to be very

difficult to sell because you have to

sell it really to yourself first you

have to accept yourself as a person that

would be a great person to date so if

you have no confidence about that if you

think I'm not really like a very good

person a date then why would anyone else

has seen that and that's where the the

rejection comes from it's almost like

the other person is mirroring you so if

they are accepting you it means you're

accepting yourself first if you're

rejecting yourself then when other

people reject you your kind of noticing

that much more so be confident there's

no reason not to be and you can just

decide whatever your specific maybe I

want to again just say a few words or I

want to just practice selling something

to one person knowing that I have the

opportunity to make meet other people

and sell them something else in the

future or try to practice selling the

same thing in a different way in the

future all of these things are going to

give you much more confidence because

you're deciding before it happens

what the rules of the game are you i

just want to be able to make a

conversation and I'm satisfied with that

do I have to make the sale and I'm i'm

satisfied with that or not

and all these things depend on you first

so think about these things as you're

learning to speak more fluently but for

anything else in your life

the rejection that you're getting from

people really comes more from how you

feel about yourself and you can really

decide that before the conversation even

begins

well that's been it for this lesson I'm

getting like really really like speaking

too much has been spending a lot of time

in the recording studio today making

lots of layers lots of great video

lessons for you and I hope you're

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