How to make better conversations English - English conversation lesson

so today's speaking skill which i hope  will be interesting to you is how to have  

better and more interesting english conversations  so let's go ahead and talk about what that means  

and how we can do this how can we have better more  interesting and more fun english conversations  

so what will we do today well i'd like to  begin with a question have you ever tried to  

speak to someone in english but you couldn't keep  the conversation going maybe you felt very nervous  

for example because uh you feel some some shyness  or discomfort when you're speaking english with  

someone you don't know well maybe you didn't know  what to say or you just got that feeling that okay  

this conversation is over and maybe you didn't  want it to be so has that ever happened to you  

or have you ever felt maybe that you have lower  confidence with keeping english conversations  

going today we're going to talk about three  strategies to keep the conversation interesting  

so we're going to talk about using better  adjectives a speaking strategy called qarf  

and a tip about engaging the listener so  we're going to look in detail at these three  

conversation strategies that will help you have  better more interesting english conversations

so let's begin with using better adjectives  first let's take a look at this word adjective  

so can you guys think of any adjectives maybe  think to yourself what are some adjectives  

uh maybe words like good fun exciting nice

hot cold right all of these are adjectives  adjectives are words we use to describe  

things right so let's take a look at an example  conversation and see what kind of adjectives we  

use here so let's say i am person a and i say  uh hey what are you going to do this weekend  

and you tell me i'm going to see my favorite band  in concert i'm so excited and i say that's good

um conversation over so why why what did we do  here here we used the adjective good so we can  

tell when we look at person b's response right  they they're very they even say they're excited  

and it's their favorite band and they're going to  see them live so if we respond with low enthusiasm  

or a low energy adjective like that's good well  that's a great way to make the conversation  

end right let's try again same question  what are you going to do this weekend  

i'm going to see my favorite band in concert  i'm so excited that's awesome yeah i can't wait  

so here i am uh instead of just saying that's  good if someone is telling me something they're  

excited about or interested in right maybe  their enthusiasm or excitement is high i should  

meet them at that same level of excitement  right to show them i'm interested if i don't  

show them i'm interested in what they are saying  we can't really keep the conversation going right  

so here i just use the word awesome that's awesome  that's a much stronger adjective than good right  

so let's take a look at some different kinds  of adjectives we can use so here we want to use  

strong powerful adjectives to show our interest  and to meet the other person's enthusiasm  

and to show that we're really interested  in what that person is saying so we can  

use words like awesome right not good or nice  but awesome amazing interesting or fascinating  

these words are much stronger in a positive way  right that's awesome that's amazing that's so  

interesting that's fascinating those all sound a  lot better than just oh cool nice yeah right so  

this is a very simple way and our first strategy  today to having a better conversation is by  

in a small way changing the words we use  to show better enthusiasm and interest  

we can also do this with negative words maybe  someone is telling you about something bad that  

happened oh that's awful that's horrible that's  terrible so here we have a few adjectives showing  

negative right not just oh yeah that sucks or oh  yeah i'm sorry that that happened but oh that's  

that's horrible you know really empathize and show  greater interest and the easiest way for positive  

or negative is to just add words like really very  and so before the adjective that we're using so  

this is a very simple way and it's just step one  and how to have a better conversation so remember  

using better adjectives is very simple and very  useful and a good way to show the other person  

i am interested in what you're saying  and i want to keep the conversation going

next let's talk about qarf so let's  build on this uh uh excited response  

using stronger adjectives is one way to show  enthusiasm and interest in what the person is  

saying but how can we take it a step further  so right using better adjectives that's good  

right we can show we are interested but that's  just step one so how can we take it a step  

further to an even better even more  fun and more interesting conversation  

we can do this with a speaking strategy  called qarf or karf so what is qarf  

these are four simple letters to remember and help  you when you're in an english conversation and  

maybe you're feeling a little nervous or stressed  just remember q a r f so what does that mean  

q means question a stands for answer  

r is response and f is follow-up question so  if we have a conversation between two people  

maybe person one asks a question person two  answers and person one responds and asks a  

follow-up question and it keeps going in  this way q a r f a r f a r f a r f r f  

uh so let's see what this looks like so  let's try our conversation again with qarf

and we're going to look at this in detail  so first let's read this conversation  

what are you going to do this weekend i'm  going to see my favorite band in concert  

i'm so excited that's awesome i love going  to concerts which band are you seeing  

oh i'm going to see the red hot  chili peppers do you like them  

yeah they're great i love their song under  the bridge no way that's my favorite song  

okay wow so we can tell that this  is a much better conversation right  

but why well let's look a little bit closer  so here if we look at person a we have  

a question right often we start conversations with  questions how are you what are you doing today how  

are you feeling uh what did you do yesterday  and so on right person b answers the question  

i'm going to see my favorite band i'm so excited  next instead of just saying that's great or  

that's awesome we have a response and a follow-up  question so here my response is that's awesome  

i love going to concerts and then a follow-up  question about the topic right they're going  

to see their favorite band of which band is  that so even just this simple strategy of  

responding and adding a follow-up question can  make it a much better conversation uh sometimes  

if you're feeling nervous in a conversation you  might just have qaqa qaqa what are you going to do  

what about tomorrow do you like this do you  want to do that right not really great so how  

can we prevent ourselves from doing that with  our response so here i shared my opinion about  

what they are doing that's awesome and a little  bit more detail about what they said so something  

about me too i love going to see concerts and then  my follow up question which band are you seeing  

then they answer oh i'm going to see the red hot  chili peppers and lucky me they also asked me a  

follow-up question do you like them right  very common in conversation and here i'm  

responding yeah they're great so i have my better  adjective right great up here we used awesome  

i love their song under the bridge so again  adding a little bit more detail to my response  

and then they respond no way that's my favorite  song and like this our conversation can continue  

so an easy way to remember is q a r f question  answer response and follow-up question  

now before we talk a little bit more about this  about how what is a good response and what is  

a good follow-up question take note that in both  the answer and the response i'm adding details so  

if you are and this is another tip uh so if  you're having a conversation with someone  

and you only give short short short answers  well that makes it very difficult to have a  

meaningful longer more interesting conversation  right so imagine just like we did before  

if this person said i'm going to see a  concert short answer that's that's awesome  

short response okay well our conversation  is basically over right we can't really go  

very far from there it's difficult so be sure  if you are answering give a detailed answer  

not just i'm going to see a concert i'm going  to see my favorite band how do i feel so excited  

and when we respond adding information about  ourselves to oh i love going to see concerts  

adding details to our answers and responses  

is a great way to make the conversation way more  interesting and here in our response down here  

this person asked ah do you like the red hot  chili peppers i could have just said yeah

oh okay conversation over again no yeah  they're great my opinion and adding more detail  

i love their song under the bridge so adding  details is a really great way to make qarf  

work for you so let's go ahead and  talk about what is a good response  

right we have q and a remember to add details  to your answers but what are some good responses  

we can use strong adjectives like that's  awesome that's amazing oh that's so cool

we can add our opinion just like i did in that  last conversation that's awesome i love going to  

concerts that's so cool uh i love their song under  the bridge right adding our opinion so step one  

and two another option for a different step two  so having our strong adjective response that's  

awesome that's amazing that's fascinating  that's uh spectacular and then our opinion  

we can also add a short anecdote an anecdote  is like a small very very short story right so  

let's say that i was in that conversation and they  and i said what are you going to do this weekend  

oh i'm going to see my favorite  band in concert i'm so excited  

so i might say oh that's awesome uh and then  short anecdote i went to go see my favorite  

band radiohead in concert recently and it was  amazing then my follow-up question who are you  

going to see and the conversation continues so  this is another way to add detail but remember  

to keep your your story or your anecdote short  right we don't want to uh have someone say oh  

this amazing thing i'm going to see my favorite  band and then kind of ignore their response tell  

a long story right so short anecdote oh i did  that it was amazing who are you going to see  

so these are all examples of good responses  strong adjectives and your opinion or strong  

adjectives and a short anecdote or just a short  little story to relate to what they are saying  

uh and after we have shared our opinion or a  short anecdote what about follow-up questions  

what are good follow-up questions well of course  when we are asking questions we should think of  

our question words like who what when where why  how and which so for example uh let's say we had  

the question or the person said i'm going to  see my favorite band okay so let's just write  

it here favorite band from that conversation  i'm going to see my favorite band in concert  

let's try to make a follow-up question with  each of these i might say who are you going with  

um what are you most excited about  when are you going where is the concert  

uh why is that your favorite band how are you  going to get there or how long have you liked this  

band and maybe which song do you hope they play i  already have what seven questions i could ask so  

if you are feeling a little concerned oh how do  i keep this conversation going remember your wh  

questions and now let's get some practice we can  think of a good response and a follow-up question  

for any topic there are so many possible follow-up  questions so let's try so let's say person a  

says i'm from america okay meeting someone for the  first time so how could i respond well remember i  

want to use a strong adjective in my opinion or an  anecdote so let's say i decide to use an anecdote  

i could say something like oh that's interesting  now my there's my strong adjective and my anecdote  

i went to america last year it was awesome and now  a follow-up question where in america are you from  

so this is much better than saying something  like oh cool response follow-up question  

oh that's interesting i went to  america last year and it was great  

uh where in america are you from and then they  share right much better response so my follow-up  

question was where in america are you from i could  also ask a question like um uh maybe how long  

did did you live in america from seeing them in  another country oh why are you traveling here  

what are you doing here right if i see them  in another country many possible questions

okay let's look at our next one let's say person  a says i love to read so hobby conversation right  

another uh getting to know you oh i love to read  so remember first i want to respond with my strong  

adjective and my opinion or an anecdote so  this time let's try an opinion so my friend  

says i love to read i might say oh that's cool i  really like to read too right agreeing my opinion  

i like to read too and now i need my follow-up  question what kind of books do you like to read

so again we can think of many follow-up questions  here what kind of books do you like to read  

what are you reading now how often do you read  

why do you like to read right so many questions  we could ask oh do you prefer books or movies

and let's take a look at one more let's say i'm  talking to someone and they tell me i want to  

be a business owner so we're talking about our  goals jobs things like that so first i want to  

respond and remember strong adjective and opinion  or anecdote so i might say something like oh  

that's really interesting um my dad is a business  owner why do you want to be a business owner  

right and my follow-up question why do you want to  be a business owner or again something like what  

kind of business would you like to own where would  you want to own a business and so on so as you can  

see we can have a good response and follow-up  question to any topic so remember q a r f  

okay our last tip today is to engage the listener  so what about when we have a story to tell in a  

conversation or what about when we have a lot  to say or we have to speak for a long time  

it's best not to dominate the conversation or  this means to speak more much more than the  

other person right so how can we change this  we can engage the listener so the listener is  

the person we are talking to right so how  can we do this so let's say i'm telling a  

bit i have a story to tell we're having a  great conversation already and i want to  

talk about my experience let's say we're talking  about travel and i want to tell the story of when  

i traveled to vietnam to hanoi i loved it  it was amazing and i want to talk about it  

well i could probably talk about that trip for  five minutes straight but that's not the best  

way to have a conversation right maybe the other  person will lose interest or stop listening or  

right not really the best so how can i engage  that listener and have a better conversation  

the first thing i could do is ask for their  opinion about something like what do you think  

about data for example i could share about when  i went on a food tour in vietnam right maybe i'm  

talking about that and instead of telling the  rest of my story right away i could say oh what  

do you think about food tours or what do you think  about vietnamese food have you ever had vietnamese  

food right what do you think about it and now  they're engaged oh yeah i've had it and i think  

oh yeah me too it was so good and  then i can continue my story right

number two depending on the story you're  telling you could ask for their advice  

uh so actually these two topics we have  talked about in previous live streams  

giving and asking for opinions and also uh  giving and asking for advice right so words  

like should could ought to had better and then  with opinions i really like i'm into and so on  

so be sure to check out our previous live streams  for that uh so the second way is to ask for advice  

if you need to what would you do if you were me so  maybe i'm telling a story of oh something happened  

i i was um i lost my phone it was so crazy  what would you have done in that situation  

right what would you have done if you were me so  ask for their opinion their advice what they would  

have done and then they might share oh yeah maybe  they'll share a story oh that i lost my phone once  

and i i had to do this what did you do so we've  engaged them we're not just talking uninterrupted  

and the last way is to ask if they have  a similar experience so a question like  

have you ever so but maybe even before i tell my  story oh yeah my favorite travel experience was  

when i went to vietnam have you ever been there  or in my story have you ever had vietnamese food  

have you ever done this have you done  that where's your favorite place you  

have traveled what's your experience  like so asking about their experience  

so remember to engage the listener ask questions  during your story ask for their opinion  

ask for their advice if it's relevant or if you  need to and ask about their similar experiences  

the key point is to be aware of your talking time  be aware of when you're talking for a little too  

long maybe some of you do that i know i certainly  do sometimes be aware of how long you're talking  

and uh but one thing a tip that i want to give you  guys is it's not always you doing all the talking  

right sometimes maybe you're talking to  someone they are talking a lot so a tip  

if they are not engaging you  and you're just sitting there

listening to a very long story you can do  something called interject so this means  

maybe they get to the end of a sentence and now  you can uh add something you want to say right  

oh maybe there maybe i am talking to you and  i'm talking a lot blah blah blah blah going on  

about my travel experience and you're like okay  yep okay okay sarah right you're talking a lot  

so you can interject with your experience  maybe i'm talking about my food tour  

and i'm about to keep talking but i pause and you  might say interject oh that reminds me of when i  

went to this place and i tried this and i did that  okay so another tip maybe you're on the other side  

they are talking a lot you can interrupt politely  interject with uh something you want to share  

right and again you can share your opinion or  share your advice or share your similar experience  

when the tables are turned so last remember  a conversation should have back and forth  

and sometimes you have to take charge this might  mean asking a question right asking for opinion  

advice or a similar experience or interjecting  with your opinion advice or similar experience  

okay guys so remember use strong adjectives show  your enthusiasm show you are interested with your  

words and you can do it with your tone of voice  and your gestures and body language as well but  

step one strong adjectives show that you are  really interested in what the person is saying

step two use qarf remember to if you are  answering a question answer in detail  

right don't just give a short short short  simple answer tell a little bit more if you are  

responding to what someone else said be sure to  add your opinion or maybe a short anecdote about  

what happened to you and ask a good follow-up  question again to show you're interested and to  

give each other more to talk about more details  better conversation easier to talk right the more  

you know the easier it is to keep a conversation  going and last remember to engage the listener  

ask questions ask for their advice their  opinion their similar experiences or if  

you are the listener remember it's okay  to interject and ask questions of your own