How to have AMAZING English Conversations

Vanessa: Hi, I'm Vanessa from  

SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com. Are you ready to have  amazing English conversations? Yes, let's do it.  

Imagine this. You're at a party where you don't  know anyone. Everyone's having conversations  

in English, but you don't feel super comfortable  speaking with just anyone in English yet. Someone  

walks up to you, smiles, introduces themselves,  and start speaking with you in English.  

They're friendly and seem genuinely interested in  what you have to say. Before you know it, you're  

having a comfortable conversation in English. You  may not be saying everything perfectly, but your  

new friend is encouraging you and you're saying  things that you didn't even know that you knew  

how to say. You leave the party feeling happy and  confident and proud of yourself for having such  

an amazing conversation. If you had not gone to  that party, or if you had hidden in the bathroom,  

you would have missed out on such an amazing time. There's a famous quote by Maya Angelou, and she  

says, "I've learned that people will forget  what you said, people will forget what you did,  

but people will never forget how you made them  feel." This is great news because you don't have  

to have perfect grammar, perfect vocabulary,  perfect pronunciation when you speak. When you  

make other people feel good, you are automatically  great at having amazing conversations. Today, I'm  

going to teach you four tips and several phrases  so that you can make other people feel awesome  

while you're speaking with them, which also  grows your confidence in speaking in English. 

Tip number one for amazing conversations, is to  compliment other people. This doesn't mean that  

you tell everyone, "You're so beautiful. You're  handsome. Your hair is amazing. Your eyes are  

great." No, this doesn't mean that you are  complementing their physical appearance.  

This means that you are showing genuine interest  in what other people have to say. A way that you  

can show other people that you're interested in  what they have to say, and you're saying, "Yes,  

what you're saying is interesting. I want  to hear more about that," is by using some  

positive interjections in conversations.  Advanced English speakers use these all the  

time and you should too. I want to teach you some  of these positive interjections that you can use  

that tell the other person, "Hey, you're awesome.  I want to hear more about what you have to say." 

I'm going to say each positive interjection  two times. The first time I want you to listen,  

and the second time I want you to say it  out loud. Imagine that you're at that party,  

talking with someone else who you want to  become friends with, who you're interested in,  

and you want to show them, I'm interested in  you. How can you compliment them with your  

ears? Listening to them with these interjections.  Let's give it a try. Wow, that's so cool.  

Say it with me. Wow, that's so cool. That's  great. That's great. I love that. I love that.  

No way, that's awesome. No way, that's awesome.  Oh my gosh, how fun is that? Oh my gosh,  

how fun is that? Oh, really? Oh, really? For real,  that's too funny. For real, that's too funny. 

Can you get the sense from all of these positive  interjections that you're making that other person  

feel like I'm saying something that that person  really cares about. When they say, "For real,  

that's too funny." It shows you're listening. It  shows that you think they're funny and they're  

going to feel so good about themselves.  You are complementing what they're saying. 

My second tip for having amazing conversations is  to have a mindset shift. I want you to shift your  

mindset into thinking that every person you speak  with has something interesting to say, and you  

can't wait to find out what that is. Be interested  in other people. If you only speak about yourself,  

you're not a great conversationalist. If someone  says that their car broke down and you immediately  

say, "Oh yeah, my car broke down last week too."  How do you think that makes that other person  

feel? Makes them feel like, did you even hear what  I said? Do you care about me, that my car broke  

down? Take a step back and to be interested  in their story, be interested in their life. 

Have you ever been telling someone something that  you are really excited about? Maybe you said, "Oh,  

I just interviewed for a new job last week  at Google." And then the other person says,  

"Oh yeah, I thought about interviewing for  there too." Well, how does that make you feel?  

Feels like they're not willing to share your  excitement because they only want to talk  

about themselves. "Oh yeah. I interviewed  there too." Well, you don't want to be that  

kind of person. You want to take interest  in what other people have to say and think,  

well, other people have something that I am  curious about and I can't wait to learn more. 

I'd like to give you some phrases  that you can use to show that you're  

genuinely interested in what other people have to  say. Like before, I'm going to say them two times,  

first time you can listen, and the second time say  it with me. Speak out loud. How did that happen?  

How did that happen? What was that like? What  was that like? What do you think will happen?  

What do you think will happen? What made you want  to do that? What made you want to do that? Have  

you always been interested in that? Have you  always been interested in that? Great, these  

phrases show that you are genuinely interested in  what the other person has to say. Great. You're  

on your way to having amazing conversations. Tip number three for having amazing conversations  

is to listen actively. Listen actively, but  listening is usually a passive thing, you're just  

taking in input. But really active listening means  that you are either guessing the emotion of the  

other person or you're mirroring their words. This  is actually excellent for learning English because  

you're taking their words and you're restating  it so you might be growing some new vocabulary,  

growing some new grammar based on what the other  person said. Let me give you a couple examples.  

If you work in customer service and someone calls  your customer service line and says, "This product  

broke, I can't believe it." You might say,  "Oh, I'm sorry. You must be really frustrated."  

But they say, "No, I'm just disappointed  because I thought that it would work." 

Well. What word did they use that you didn't  use? You said, "You must be frustrated," and  

they said, "No, I'm just disappointed."  Great chance for active listening.  

You can say, "I'm sorry that you're so  disappointed. Let me do what I can to  

make it right." You're mirroring their word and it  makes them feel heard. You're actively listening  

to the words that they're using and you're able  to use it yourself to reflect their feelings.  

This is a great type of listening and phrasing  to use. When someone's telling you something that  

there's a lot of emotion behind, it could be  positive emotion, it could be something they're  

worried or fearful about, this type of negative  emotion. Here are some sample phrases that you  

can use so that you show that you're listening  actively to someone else. That other person feels  

good that you really heard what they had to say. You can say, "You must be feeling," and then add  

some kind of emotion. You must be feeling  really excited about that job interview.  

You must be feeling really nervous to approach  your boss. You must be feeling really upset that  

that happened. Oh, well maybe they didn't  say specifically excited, worried, upset,  

but you are guessing their emotion. Maybe they'll  correct you and say, "Ah, actually I just feel  

hesitant. I feel really disappointed." Okay.  That's all right. You can mirror that back. "Yeah.  

That's so disappointing." But when you are trying  to actively listen and pull out their emotion,  

excellent, you are a wonderful conversationalist. Let me give you some phrases. That must be really  

nerve wracking. That must be really exciting.  That must be really awful. That must be... Can  

you practice that with me? That must be really  wracking. That must be really exciting. That  

must be really awful. Our final phrase for active  listening is, that sounds really nerve wracking.  

That sounds really exciting. That sounds really  awful. Here you're trying to pull that emotion  

out of it and connect with the other person.  Can you say that with me? That sounds really  

nerve wracking. That sounds really exciting.  Oh, that sounds really awful. Excellent work. 

A little bonus tip, this works very well with  children. If you have young kids, I guess any  

kids, if you work with kids, you see kids, you  know that kids exist. I recommend this book, How  

To Talk So Kids Will Listen, How To Listen So Kids  Will Talk. They also have a teenage version as  

well, I think. It's a great way to be able to use  active listening at an age appropriate level so  

that your kids feel heard. Also so that your kids  hear you and hear you in the way that you want  

them to hear. Great book, great recommendation. Okay. Let's go to our fourth and final tip  

for amazing English conversations. Tip number four  for amazing conversations is body language. You  

can have all the right words, all the right  things to say, but if your body is like,  

well, you know what that tells the other person. I  don't really care what you have to say. Yeah. I'm  

just kind of bored. So instead as you are  having a conversation with someone else,  

I want you to remember NOSE. Your nose? No.  Instead, this is an acronym, N-O-S-E. We'll  

talk about it in just a second. Remember  NOSE as you are speaking with someone else. 

N is nodding. Nodding. If you're speaking and  someone just stands there and doesn't move,  

it seems a little robotic, a little bit like  they're not listening or they don't care.  

Makes you feel a little uncomfortable. So if  you just nod while someone else is speaking,  

oh, it shows that you're listening. It doesn't  mean you always agree with them, but it shows  

that you're listening. You're nodding. What  about O? O is for open posture. Which one feels  

better to you? Me with my arms crossed maybe  turned away from you or me with my arms down  

and just listening to you? When your body is  open, you don't need to be very open or like this.  

Instead, just having an open posture, your  shoulders back, and you're facing someone.  

This shows that care and that you're listening. The S of NOSE is smile. Did you know that our  

brains can tell if a smile is real  or not? When you smile like this?  

Yes, my mouth is making a smiling face, but it's  not real. Could you tell? Could you tell that I  

wasn't really smiling? I was just fake smiling.  Well, the reason why we can tell is because my  

eyes are not doing anything. A real smile goes  all the way up to your eyes. If I smile like this,  

do you see how my eyes are crinkling a little  bit, maybe even completely crinkling. That  

means that it is a real smile, that we are really  interested. So as someone is speaking, you can be  

completely, really interested in what they have  to say. Not just, it feels like a robot, right?  

But when you're really interested in what someone  has to say, oh, yeah, your eyes crinkle a little  

bit and you smile all the way up to your eyes. The final E of NOSE is eye contact. In English,  

in the US it is common and important to maintain  eye contact with someone when you're speaking.  

You don't need to stare at them the whole time  and never look away. But if you avoid eye contact,  

as someone's speaking, it makes them feel like  you don't want to be there, you don't want to  

talk with them. So instead, if you look them in  the eyes and you smile and you nod and you have  

open posture, you are a welcoming and inviting  person who anyone would want to speak with. 

So maintain some eye contact. Maybe if that's  tough for you, you can focus here or focus on  

one eye over the other. You don't need to stress  yourself out too much, but having that kind of  

nodding, genuine smile, open posture and  maintaining eye contact, that is a great way  

to have excellent conversations. Well, now,  when you compliment others, having mindset  

shift that other people have interesting things  to say, and you listen actively and have great  

body language, well, congratulations, you  have the power to have amazing conversations,  

great relationships and confidence in  yourself. Pretty good for a free YouTube video.  

Don't forget to download the free PDF worksheet  so that you can review all of these wonderful tips  

and so that you can be a great conversationalist. Practice all of the phrases and integrate them  

into your conversations so that other people leave  those conversations feeling great and thinking,  

man, he's a great conversationalist. No,  she is great at having conversations,  

I can't wait to talk to her again.  You can do it. Make sure you download  

that PDF. There's a link in the description. Now I have a question for you. I'd like to give  

you a little scenario. Imagine that I told you,  "I can't wait, I get to see my grandma next week  

for the first time in a year." What would you say  to me? Can you use any of these phrases, maybe an  

active listening phrase, you must be feeling  or one of the other phrases so that you can  

be a great conversationalist? Let me know in the  comments how you would respond to me. If I said,  

"I get to see my grandma next week after a  full year of not seeing her." Let me know in  

the comments what you would say, use what you've  learned and I'll see you again next Friday for a  

new lesson here on my YouTube channel. Bye. The next step is to download the free PDF  

worksheet for this lesson. With this free  PDF, you will master today's lesson and  

never forget what you have learned. You can  be a confident English speaker. Don't forget  

to subscribe to my YouTube channel for  a free English lesson every Friday. Bye.