How to make better conversations English - English conversation lesson

hello everyone hi guys uh welcome to today's  live stream thank you all for coming here today  

um so while you guys are filtering in as always  please make sure to let me know that you're there  

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you guys and see your comments coming in in the  comment section so let's begin uh today we are  

going to be learning about a useful speaking  skill so i'm going to share my screen with you  

please wait a moment okay okay all right  so you guys should be able to see my screen  

now so let's start with today's lesson so um as  i said before everyone welcome to today's live  

stream thank you so much for coming thank you for  coming early i appreciate you all being here today  

um so as always i am going to go through  today's lesson while i am speaking you can type  

any questions you have about the lesson or  any confusing things you want to ask me about  

and then at the end of the lesson we'll go  through and look at your comments and questions  

so let's begin so today's speaking skill which  i hope will be interesting to you is how to have  

better and more interesting english conversations  so let's go ahead and talk about what that means  

and how we can do this how can we have better more  interesting and more fun english conversations  

so what will we do today well  i'd like to begin with a question  

have you ever tried to speak to someone in english  but you couldn't keep the conversation going  

maybe you felt very nervous for example because  you feel some some shyness or discomfort when  

you're speaking english with someone you don't  know well maybe you didn't know what to say or you  

just got that feeling that okay this conversation  is over and maybe you didn't want it to be  

so has that ever happened to you or have you  ever felt maybe that you have lower confidence  

with keeping english conversations going today  we're going to talk about three strategies  

to keep the conversation interesting so we're  going to talk about using better adjectives  

a speaking strategy called qarf and  a tip about engaging the listener  

so we're going to look in detail at these three  conversation strategies that will help you have  

better more interesting english conversations  so let's begin with using better adjectives  

first let's take a look at this word adjective  so can you guys think of any adjectives  

maybe think to yourself what are some adjectives  maybe words like good fun exciting nice

hot cold right all of these are adjectives  adjectives are words we use to describe  

things right so let's take a look at an example  conversation and see what kind of adjectives we  

use here so let's say i am person a and i say  uh hey what are you going to do this weekend  

and you tell me i'm going to see my favorite  band in concert i'm so excited and i say  

that's good um conversation over so why why what  did we do here here we used the adjective good so  

we can tell when we look at person b's response  right they they're very they even say they're  

excited and it's their favorite band and they're  going to see them live so if we respond with  

low enthusiasm or a low energy adjective like  that's good well that's a great way to make  

the conversation end right let's try again same  question what are you going to do this weekend  

i'm going to see my favorite band in concert i'm  so excited that's awesome yeah i can't wait so  

here i am uh instead of just saying that's good  if someone is telling me something they're excited  

about or interested in right maybe their  enthusiasm or excitement is high i should  

meet them at that same level of excitement right  to show them i'm interested if i don't show them  

i'm interested in what they are saying we  can't really keep the conversation going right  

so here i just use the word awesome that's awesome  that's a much stronger adjective than good right  

so let's take a look at some different uh kinds  of adjectives we can use so here we want to use  

strong powerful adjectives uh to show our  interest and to meet the other person's enthusiasm  

and to show that we're really interested  in what that person is saying so we can  

use words like awesome right not good or nice  but awesome amazing interesting or fascinating  

these words are much stronger in a positive way  right that's awesome that's amazing that's so  

interesting that's fascinating those all sound  a lot better than just oh cool nice yeah right  

so this is a very simple way and our first  strategy today to having a better conversation  

is by in a small way changing the words we  use to show better enthusiasm and interest  

we can also do this with negative words maybe  someone is telling you about something bad that  

happened oh that's awful that's horrible that's  terrible so here we have a few adjectives showing  

negative right not just oh yeah that sucks or oh  yeah i'm sorry that that happened but oh that's  

that's horrible you know really empathize and show  greater interest and the easiest way for positive  

or negative is to just add words like really very  and so before the adjective that we're using so  

this is a very simple way and it's just step one  and how to have a better conversation so remember  

using better adjectives is very simple and very  useful and a good way to show the other person  

i am interested in what you're saying  and i want to keep the conversation going

next let's talk about qarf so let's  build on this uh excited response  

using stronger adjectives is one way to show  enthusiasm and interest in what the person is  

saying but how can we take it a step further  so right using better adjectives that's good  

right we can show we are interested but that's  just step one so how can we take it a step  

further to an even better even more  fun and more interesting conversation  

we can do this with a speaking strategy  called qarf or carf so what is qarf  

these are four simple letters to remember and help  you when you're in an english conversation and  

maybe you're feeling a little nervous or stressed  just remember q a r f so what does that mean  

q means question a stands for answer  

r is response and f is follow-up question so  if we have a conversation between two people  

maybe person one asks a question person two  answers and person one responds and asks a  

follow-up question and it keeps going in  this way q a r f a r f a r f a r f r f  

uh so let's see what this looks like so  let's try our conversation again with qarf

and we're gonna look at this in detail  so first let's read this conversation  

what are you going to do this weekend i'm  going to see my favorite band in concert  

i'm so excited that's awesome i love going  to concerts which band are you seeing  

oh i'm going to see the red hot  chili peppers do you like them  

yeah they're great i love their song under  the bridge no way that's my favorite song  

okay wow so we can tell that this  is a much better conversation right  

but why well let's look a little bit closer  so here if we look at person a we have  

a question right often we start conversations with  questions how are you what are you doing today how  

are you feeling uh what did you do yesterday  and so on right person b answers the question  

i'm going to see my favorite band i'm so excited  

next instead of just saying that's great or  that's awesome we have a response and a follow-up  

question so here my response is that's awesome  i love going to concerts and then a follow-up  

question about the topic right they're going to  see their favorite band oh which band is that  

so even just this simple strategy of  responding and adding a follow-up question  

can make it a much better conversation sometimes  if you're feeling nervous in a conversation  

you might just have qaqa qaqa what are you going  to do what about tomorrow do you like this do  

you want to do that right not really great so  how can we prevent ourselves from doing that  

with our response so here i shared my opinion  about what they are doing that's awesome  

and a little bit more detail about  what they said so something about me  

too i love going to see concerts and then my  follow-up question which band are you seeing  

then they answer oh i'm going to see the red hot  chili peppers and lucky me they also asked me a  

follow-up question do you like them right  very common in conversation and here i'm  

responding yeah they're great so i have my better  adjective right great up here we used awesome  

i love their song under the bridge so again  adding a little bit more detail to my response  

and then they respond no way that's my favorite  song and like this our conversation can continue  

so an easy way to remember is q a r f question  answer response and follow-up question  

now before we talk a little bit more about this  about how what is a good response and what is  

a good follow-up question take note that in both  the answer and the response i'm adding details so  

if you are and this is another tip uh so if  you're having a conversation with someone  

and you only give short short short answers  well that makes it very difficult to have a  

meaningful longer more interesting conversation  right so imagine just like we did before  

if this person said i'm going to see a  concert short answer that's that's awesome  

short response okay well our conversation is  basically over right we can't really go very  

far from there it's difficult so be sure if you  are answering give a detailed answer not just  

i'm going to see a concert i'm going to see  my favorite band how do i feel so excited  

and when we respond adding information about  ourselves to oh i love going to see concerts  

adding details to our answers and responses  

is a great way to make the conversation way more  interesting and here in our response down here  

this person asked ah do you like the red hot  chili peppers i could have just said yeah

oh okay conversation over again no yeah  they're great my opinion and adding more detail  

i love their song under the bridge so adding  details is a really great way to make qarf  

work for you so let's go ahead and  talk about what is a good response  

right we have q and a remember to add details  to your answers but what are some good responses

we can use strong adjectives like that's  awesome that's amazing oh that's so cool

we can add our opinion just like  i did in that last conversation  

that's awesome i love going to concerts  that's so cool uh i love their song  

under the bridge right adding  our opinion so step one and two

another option for a different step two so  having our strong adjective response that's  

awesome that's amazing that's fascinating  that's uh spectacular and then our opinion  

we can also add a short anecdote an anecdote  is like a small very very short story right so  

let's say that i was in that conversation and they  and i said what are you going to do this weekend  

oh i'm going to see my favorite  band in concert i'm so excited  

so i might say oh that's awesome uh and  then short anecdote i went to go see  

my favorite band radiohead in concert recently  and it was amazing then my follow-up question  

who are you going to see and the conversation  continues so this is another way to add detail  

but remember to keep your your story or your  anecdote short right we don't want to uh have  

someone say oh this amazing thing i'm going to  see my favorite band and then kind of ignore their  

response tell a long story right so short anecdote  oh i did that it was amazing who are you going to  

see so these are all examples of good responses  strong adjectives and your opinion or strong  

adjectives and a short anecdote or just a short  little story to relate to what they are saying

uh and after we have shared  our opinion or a short anecdote  

what about follow-up questions what are  good follow-up questions well of course  

when we are asking questions we should think of  our question words like who what when where why  

how and which so for example uh let's say we had  the question or the person said i'm going to see  

my favorite band okay so let's just write it here  favorite band from that conversation oh i'm going  

to see my favorite band in concert let's try  to make a follow-up question with each of these  

i might say who are you going with  um what are you most excited about  

when are you going where is the concert  uh why is that your favorite band  

how are you going to get there or how long have  you liked this band and maybe which song do you  

hope they play i already have what seven questions  i could ask so if you are feeling a little  

concerned oh how do i keep this conversation  going remember your wh questions and now let's  

get some practice we can think of a good response  and a follow-up question for any topic there are  

so many possible follow-up questions so let's  try so let's say person a says i'm from america  

okay meeting someone for the first time so how  could i respond well remember i want to use a  

strong adjective in my opinion or an anecdote  so let's say i decide to use an anecdote  

i could say something like oh that's interesting  now my there's my strong adjective and my anecdote  

i went to america last year it was awesome and now  a follow-up question where in america are you from  

so this is much better than saying something  like oh cool response follow-up question  

oh that's interesting i went to  america last year and it was great  

uh where in america are you from and then they  share right much better response so my follow-up  

question was where in america are you from i could  also ask a question like um uh maybe how long  

did did you live in america from seeing them in  another country oh why are you traveling here  

what are you doing here right if i see them  in another country many possible questions  

okay let's look at our next one let's say person  a says i love to read so hobby conversation right  

another uh getting to know you oh i love to read  so remember first i want to respond with my strong  

adjective and my opinion or an anecdote so  this time let's try an opinion so my friend  

says i love to read i might say oh that's cool i  really like to read too right agreeing my opinion  

i like to read too and now i need my follow-up  question what kind of books do you like to read

so again we can think of many follow-up questions  here what kind of books do you like to read  

what are you reading now how often do you read  

why do you like to read right so many questions  we could ask oh do you prefer books or movies

and let's take a look at one more let's say i'm  talking to someone and they tell me i want to  

be a business owner so we're talking about our  goals jobs things like that so first i want to  

respond and remember strong adjective and opinion  or anecdote so i might say something like oh  

that's really interesting um my dad is a business  owner why do you want to be a business owner right  

and my follow-up question why do you want to be a  business owner or again something like what kind  

of business would you like to own where would you  want to own a business and so on so as you can see  

we can have a good response and follow-up  question to any topic so remember q a r f  

okay our last tip today is to engage the listener  so what about when we have a story to tell in a  

conversation or what about when we have a lot  to say or we have to speak for a long time  

it's best not to dominate the conversation or  this means to speak more much more than the  

other person right so how can we change this  we can engage the listener so the listener  

is the person we are talking to right so  how can we do this so let's say i'm telling  

a bit i have a story to tell we're having  a great conversation already and i want to  

talk about my experience let's say we're talking  about travel and i want to tell the story of when  

i traveled to vietnam to hanoi i loved it  it was amazing and i want to talk about it  

well i could probably talk about that trip for  five minutes straight but that's not the best  

way to have a conversation right maybe the other  person will lose interest or stop listening or  

right not really the best so how can i engage  that listener and have a better conversation  

the first thing i could do is ask for their  opinion about something like what do you think  

about that for example i could share about  when i went on a food tour in vietnam right  

maybe i'm talking about that and instead  of telling the rest of my story right away  

i could say oh what do you think about food  tours or what do you think about vietnamese food  

have you ever had vietnamese food right what  do you think about it and now they're engaged  

oh yeah i've had it and i think oh yeah me too it  was so good and then i can continue my story right

number two depending on the story you're  telling you could ask for their advice  

so actually these two topics we have  talked about in previous live streams  

giving and asking for opinions and also uh  giving and asking for advice right so words  

like should could ought to had better and then  with opinions i really like i'm into and so on  

so be sure to check out our previous live streams  for that uh so the second way is to ask for advice  

if you need to what would you do if you were me so  maybe i'm telling a story of oh something happened  

i i was um i lost my phone it was so crazy  what would you have done in that situation  

right what would you have done if you were me  so ask for their opinion their advice what they  

would have done and then they might share  oh yeah maybe they'll share a story oh that  

i lost my phone once and i i had  to do this da da what did you do  

so we've engaged them we're not just talking  uninterrupted and the last way is to ask if they  

have a similar experience so a question like have  you ever so but maybe even before i tell my story  

oh yeah my favorite travel experience was when  i went to vietnam have you ever been there or  

in my story have you ever had vietnamese food have  you ever done this have you done that where's your  

favorite place you have traveled what's your  experience like so asking about their experience  

so remember to engage the listener ask questions  during your story ask for their opinion  

ask for their advice if it's relevant or if you  need to and ask about their similar experiences  

the key point is to be aware of your talking time  be aware of when you're talking for a little too  

long maybe some of you do that i know i certainly  do sometimes be aware of how long you're talking  

and uh but one thing a tip that i want to give you  guys is it's not always you doing all the talking  

right sometimes maybe you're talking to  someone they are talking a lot so a tip  

if they are not engaging you  and you're just sitting there

listening to a very long story you can do  something called interject so this means maybe  

they get to the end of a sentence and now you can  add something you want to say right oh maybe there  

maybe i am talking to you and i'm talking a lot  blah blah blah going on about my travel experience  

and you're like okay yep okay okay sarah right  you're talking a lot so you can interject with  

your experience maybe i'm talking about my food  tour and i'm about to keep talking but i pause and  

you might say interject oh that reminds me of when  i went to this place and i tried this and i did  

that okay so another tip maybe you're on the other  side they are talking a lot you can interrupt  

politely interject with uh something you want to  share right and again you can share your opinion  

or share your advice or share your similar  experience when the tables are turned  

so last remember a conversation should have  back and forth and sometimes you have to take  

charge this might mean uh asking a question right  asking for opinion advice or a similar experience  

or interjecting with your opinion  advice or similar experience  

okay guys so remember use strong adjectives show  your enthusiasm show you are interested with your  

words and you can do it with your tone of voice  and your gestures and body language as well but  

step one strong adjectives show that you are  really interested in what the person is saying  

step two use qarf remember to if you are  answering a question answer in detail  

right don't just give a short short short  simple answer tell a little bit more if you are  

responding to what someone else said be sure to  add your opinion or maybe a short anecdote about  

what happened to you and ask a good follow-up  question again to show you're interested and to  

give each other more to talk about more details  better conversation easier to talk right the more  

you know the easier it is to keep a conversation  going and last remember to engage the listener  

ask questions ask for their advice their  opinion their similar experiences or if  

you are the listener remember it's okay  to interject and ask questions of your own

okay everyone so that's it for today's lesson  on how to have a better english conversation  

oh there we are so do you have  any questions um so let me know  

okay thank you we have a question already what is  the difference between answering a question and  

following up a question so a follow-up follow-up  question thank you for asking a follow-up question  

is something that you ask in response to someone's  answer so for example uh just a normal question  

there's nothing maybe nothing happened before  that oh hey what did you do this weekend right  

start of a conversation a follow-up question  is something you ask to get more information  

so for example let's say you tell me that you  love cooking maybe i ask oh hey what are your  

hobbies and you say oh i really love cooking  follow-up question is okay you told me something  

i want to know more information about that thing  okay cooking why do you like to cook how long have  

you been cooking what do you like to cook who  taught you how to cook and so on i want more  

information that's a follow-up question okay so  more asking a question to get more information

sydney i'm vietnamese hello yes uh nice  to see you here on today's live stream  

okay do we have any questions hello from cambodia  hello thank you so much for joining today

um okay i'm looking through

um looks like not not too many questions  about today's lesson um please make sure to  

post any questions you have we'll  hang out for another minute or so

and with this this can be a  little bit of a complicated topic

if someone wants a friend for conversation  message me yeah so if you're on facebook you  

can uh of course message each other you guys  please do use our facebook to connect with  

each other practice your english conversation  together it's a great resource for that okay

uh so looks like that might be it um  

i don't see any more i'm looking through your  questions thank you guys for uh commenting  

uh and let's see interesting and informative topic  uh thank you um you're welcome and thank you for  

joining i have a whale of a time in this class  a very good idiom yep a whale of a time and oh  

how to finish up a conversation that you don't  like um i would say okay so there are two ways  

so two different kinds of conversations you might  not like so maybe a conversation you want to leave  

right you want to just say goodbye or maybe  a conversation where you just want to change  

the topic to something else so if you just want  to end the conversation um of course you know  

you could say something like oh you know oh i'm  sorry i i maybe make an excuse uh i'm not sure  

i have something to do oh you know it's nice  talking to you but actually i i have to uh  

go to class or oh i oh you know what i have  to go meet someone but hey nice talking to you  

right politely hey have a good day and just exit  the conversation if you are in a conversation  

and you just want to change the topic you can  just say so in in the powerpoint today we saw  

that reminds me of this is a great way a great  phrase we can use to change the topic to something  

else so maybe someone is uh having a conversation  with you about a topic you are uncomfortable with  

oh you know that reminds me and change the topic  oh that reminds me you know i was uh doing this  

thing the other day and that oh sorry to change  the topic but it made me think of this other thing  

right change the topic so you can change the topic  that reminds me of or oh yeah you know sorry to  

change the topic but and start a different part  of the conversation so i hope that helps okay

okay let's see may i ask is the following  commentary correct or not grammatically  

they who were silent are now in song he means  they for netherlands fans uh yes this is correct  

they who were silent are now in song  yes um so that is grammatically correct  

so what this is saying is the people who were  quiet are now singing right so that's another way  

we could say it this is a bit of a complex grammar  structure but yes that is correct okay let's  

see uh thanks for today's session yeah you're  welcome i encourage you to go back and watch it  

uh do we have a group to learn um this is our this  is our group so we do live streams regularly right  

my live streams are typically every tuesday and  we also have live streams every other sunday uh  

so i encourage you to do that and also as i  said before connect with other people in the  

group you can always post um and try to connect  with people that are also following our channel

how i'm very weak in spoken english but not in  written english how to improve my spoken english  

so maybe in the future i will do a whole  live stream answering these questions how  

to improve my speaking how to improve my listening  reading writing so this is a very common question  

uh the i would say that the best some of the best  ways to improve your speaking are uh of course  

these skills are tied together reading and writing  very close speaking and listening very close  

very you need them together so the best way to  improve your speaking is i would say to imitate  

native speakers so there are many ways you can  do this from the comfort of your home maybe  

for example you like to watch netflix or you like  to watch youtube videos right about topics you  

like try to watch about topics you like in  english and you can pause rewind and repeat  

sometimes this is called shadowing as well right  so listening and repeating this way you can  

imitate the native speaking way right you  can also use translation apps and use the  

let me hear this word right translate something  and you can listen to the word and repeat so i  

think listening and repeating uh about things  you're interested in is a great way to start  

improving your speaking and pronunciation how to  draw our students attention by asking questions  

or giving them more information about the topic  we discuss oh there are this is a great question  

so per i assume you are a teacher um so to  get students attention um one strategy is to  

uh it's called activate prior knowledge so  let's say for example i'm doing a lesson on  

the present perfect tense have done have been  have played okay well i could give a very dry  

boring lesson about that and just teach  the grammar or i could start the uh the  

lesson with some questions a to see how can can do  students know how to use this already and how well  

to get them using it and to activate what  they've already learned their prior knowledge  

so i might start with some warm-up questions hey  guys how are you today um have you ever start  

by asking them some have you ever questions  have you ever uh traveled to another country  

okay and where did you go right maybe set  up partner conversations or small group con  

discussions and give them some guided questions to  practice and then share as a class and use that as  

a way to get into the lesson showing students  why they're learning what they're learning  

and how they use what they're learning in everyday  situations is a great way to get their attention  

right get them speaking the more you can get your  students to speak yes by asking questions um is uh  

is the best the more they are speaking the better  thank you oh thank you uh yes thank you thank you  

you like the way i speak thank you so much i hope  that uh it is easy to understand thank you raul  

what after the next follow-up question ah yes  so um it can the qarf structure can be repeated  

q a r f a r f a r f so let's say for example um  i ask you actually let's see just wait a second

uh okay so let's take a look i'm going to share  my screen one more time to answer this question  

okay so let's go back oh sorry guys just wait  a second while i set this up um okay i'm gonna  

share and i'm gonna nikolai i'm gonna answer your  question using this page uh from the powerpoint  

okay so hopefully you can see right i'm sharing  my screen again so here is our qarf conversation  

q question what are you going to do this  weekend a i'm going to see my favorite band  

in concert i'm so excited r and f response  that's awesome i love going to concerts  

follow-up question and remember to our viewer who  asked what is a follow-up question here i'm asking  

for more information about what they said their  favorite band okay which band are you going to see  

now they answer oh i'm going to see the red hot  chili peppers let's imagine that they didn't  

ask me a follow-up question i would again respond  and could ask another follow-up question so maybe  

they just say i'm going to see the red hot chili  peppers i might again respond they're great my  

opinion i love their song under the bridge and  another follow-up question maybe something like  

what's your favorite song by them right what's  your favorite red hot chili peppers song and the  

oh it's this oh really i love that song too and  so on q a r f a r f a r f a r f but sometimes uh  

people of course will ask a question right so here  person a this this qarf structure uh sometimes  

depends on the other person here they answered  and asked me a follow-up question and then i  

answered and i could then ask another follow-up  question right so i love their song under the  

bridge and then they say no way that's my favorite  song and maybe i asked them another question  

right so here we have follow-up questions as  the uh tool that we use to keep the conversation  

going so i hope that that helps oh very good you  said uh you benefited that's wonderful to hear  

you can always go back and thank you so much for  your compliment clear explanation good so happy  

i was ready for sleeping but you got up and  came oh thank you well after this i hope that  

you get some good sleep so everybody thank  you so much for coming to our lesson today  

uh thank you for watching have a great day  see you next tuesday and um yeah thanks guys